Parking lot
The parking lot spent Thanksgiving break cosplaying as a deserted holiday frontier. A trail of stuffing — actual stuffing — was found trailing across the entire parking lot, prompting brief concern that a wild turkey had been chased through the lot. A rogue Roomba spent the week herding fallen leaves into what appeared to be a makeshift “gratitude pile,” which seemed to work, as custodians were indeed very thankful.
Learning Commons
The Learning Commons spent the break fully embracing the Thanksgiving spirit. On Sunday, the printers spontaneously produced a 12-page document titled “Top 10 things the Learning Commons is thankful for.” Unfortunately, the first item was “Students who do not print at 8:24 a.m.,” so most people stopped reading. Cameras also captured the several water dispensers dispensing nothing but cranberry sauce for several hours, which the staff insisted was a “seasonal enhancement.”
Falcon Eatery
Custodial staff’s clue that the break went off the rails came from a limited-edition “Peanut Butter & Mixed Berry Spread” Uncrustable — suspiciously warm as opposed to the usual bits of ice — found sitting alone on a food tray Monday morning.
Ed Burke Field
The football field had its own supernatural agenda. A flock of falcons reportedly landed on the turf at dawn last Friday, arranging themselves in perfect offensive formations before flying off in unison, prompting coaches to wonder if they could be scouted for next season.
Swimming pool construction site
Despite being little more than a large, dramatic hole in the ground, the pool was unusually active. Construction workers reported hearing splashing — even though there is no water — and refused to enter the site alone. On Saturday morning, staff discovered a giant inflatable turkey sitting squarely in the pit. No one has admitted to placing it there.
Olive Garden (gym)
The gym spent a break descending into complete anarchy. Weight machines were discovered tangled together in a way that suggested a post-holiday brawl. After turning off the lights, several coaches reported hearing a disembodied voice whisper: “When you’re here, you’re family,” prompting them to leave immediately.
