“Regrets I’ve had a few, but then too few to mention.”
These are the lines of Frank Sinatra’s song, “My Way,” that Marinee Payne believes best embodies her time as a teacher.
“32 and a half years felt like 32 and a half days to me,” Payne said. “I’ve loved being here with all my heart and all my soul. I sat in the office listening to Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way.’ It makes me think of my dad, this was kind of his theme song … I sat there and I went ‘Yeah, that’s true.’ I’ve bitten off more than I could chew … but I don’t regret a single moment that I have spent here.”
After decades of teaching, Payne will retire at the end of the year. Throughout her career at the school, Payne taught Acting 1, Acting 2, Honors Acting, Advanced Acting, Drama Production and Costume History and Design. Alongside her teaching, she created the Honors Acting curriculum, the Costume History and Design curriculum and the Drama Production class’ course. She has also been involved with and directed TP Players — the school’s theater club — ever since she started at the school.
Throughout her time on campus, Payne was dedicated to creating an inclusive community for all students, even those who may be stepping onto the stage for the first time.
“I get to talk to so many wonderful people that sometimes don’t have anybody to talk to,” Payne said. “We create a safe space here. Whether it was in the old space for 27 years, or whether it was [in the new theater], what’s very important is to provide that safe space where people feel comfortable.”
Zoe Huang (12), president of TP Players, noted Payne’s efforts to make theater open to everyone on campus.
“She always welcomes everybody with open arms, regardless of who they are, where they come from, if they play a sport or don’t play a sport,” Huang said. “I think sometimes Torrey culture can feel kind of exclusive and so she tries her hardest for the people that find us, to make theater inclusive and make it accessible and smooth for anybody that joins us.”
Behind Payne’s effort to create a community amongst her students lies her love for theater itself.
“She could have retired any time in the past 10 or 15 years and been well off, but it’s her passion for theater that keeps her coming back,” Lainey Costabile (11), vice president of TP Players, said.
This dedication to theater translates into every performance the TP Players put on, from the student run lighting to elaborate, handcrafted sets.
“If I could describe her in one word, it would be commitment,” Costabile said. “One time she said she had to paint the floor for a show so she came [in] at three or four [a.m.] the day of the show and she painted the entire floor by herself.”
In addition to her commitment to her shows, Payne is committed to educating and inspiring her students, especially when it comes to creativity.
“I want people to be in love with the process of creativity,” Payne said. “I think it’s very, very important. We live in a world where linear thinking is what we do and I think using just that linear focus limits us as human beings to the possibilities of what you do … the creative mind works in all different neurological pathways in order to get to the idea. To live as a whole-brained person makes every day a possibility.”
Payne also makes an effort to impart lessons that have a lasting impact on her students’ lives, both inside and outside the familiar walls of the theater.
“She’s also taught me so many things about life,” Huang said. “She does this thing where sometimes she goes on tangents about her life story. Obviously, she’s a bit older, she has a lot more life experience … and I find it so interesting. It’s definitely shaped the way I’ve thought about life and how to approach problems and relationships with other people as well.”
One valuable lesson Huang learned from Payne revolves around combating perfectionism.
“I think she taught me this my freshman year, it was that ‘perfection leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis, which leads to a stunt in growth,’” Huang said. “Constantly chasing perfection shouldn’t be your end goal, but instead enjoying the process and understanding that not everything will be perfect, and by trying to make everything perfect you may inhibit yourself from growth that you may experience otherwise.”
Her circle of influence does not end with her students, however. Xavier Carrillo, the school’s theater technician and Payne’s coworker of six years, is also privy to her wisdom.
“[She’s taught me that sometimes] imagination is better than logic,” Carrillo said. “She has Tinker Bell tattoos, and she’s always talking about spreading the dust over y’all so that you can fly. Just to be open, that’s something I’ve really learned, because I’ve been pretty closed-minded in my time. She taught me to open my mind a little bit, to trust a bit.”
Inside her classroom, Payne makes an effort to foster individualism within each of her students, pushing them to explore all aspects of theater before latching onto certain roles.
“You don’t have to be an actor,” Costabile said. “You don’t have to be a lighting person. You can try everything and Marinee is really good at helping you learn.”
Part of Payne’s efforts to create a community on campus include advocating for her students by making sure they feel heard.
“She’s a great person,” Huang said. “She’s very kind to all of her students. She’s very accepting, very welcoming, and she’s also very big on individuality and letting people express themselves and she’s also a big protector. She’s like our voice sometimes when we feel like we’re not being heard, she’s the one that advocates for us.”
While Payne worked to form a welcoming community through theater, she also leaves behind more tangible evidence of her time on campus.
“It was my dream [to build a new theater] that I had for many years up in the little space, which is now the Eatery,” Payne said. “I put a picture on the wall and said ‘I will see you built one day’ and I really believed it. [Back then], there was this giant tree and all of a sudden there was a big storm and it fell over and left a big hole. I said, [to the principal at the time] ‘You know that big tree that fell over? There’s a big hole there. That’s God telling us that the theater needs to be built there.’ And that’s exactly where we built it.”
Payne’s continual love for and impact on her students can be seen in alumni’s returns.
“She has touched generations,” Carrillo said. “She has been here 32 and a half years, and I have seen students come back from that time period with their families and they’re adults.”
This time, it is Payne’s turn to leave the school behind.
“She’s said this year that she’s graduating with us,” Huang said. “She’s such a light here at Torrey and I know that the kids who are in theater are really going to miss her next year because she makes it such a great environment, so I’m going to miss having someone to come visit here.”
While students are sad to see Payne walk out of the Performing Arts Center’s doors, Payne shares their sentiments.
“[I’ll miss] the students [the most],” Payne said. “You’re all so amazing and sometimes frustrating at the same time. I really love watching the light go on in a young person’s eyes. I think that’s probably the best part of being an educator; just watching that dawn happen or have somebody come up with an idea and say ‘Hey, I have this crazy idea. Can I share it with you?’”
As her retirement approaches, Payne is met with all of the possibilities it will bring her.
“I toyed with the idea of going to law school because I’ve always wanted to be an attorney since I was in the sixth grade,” Payne said. “There are endless possibilities out there, and I think that is something I’d like to share with students … don’t limit yourself. If you can think it, you can do it, it doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 18 or at my age of 78, there are so many things out there that are there to do.”
Ultimately, Payne looks back on her years at the school fondly.
“I really have loved every minute,” Payne said. “Things have made me laugh. Things have made me pause and think. But it’s been so much fun … if you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.”
