Growing up, I always wanted a best friend. Someone I could do anything with, do anything for. Someone to ask me out to lunch; someone to make me laugh and make laugh in return; someone to go on midnight fast-food runs with; someone to run to when I’m excited, and when I’m shattered inside.
From a young age, I’ve never had a hard time making friends. No matter where I went — whether that be school, the grocery store or just on a walk — I would always come back with an extra shadow in tow. My constant zest for meeting new people was as spontaneous as it was actively pursued; I wanted to find my own platonic soulmate.
Much to say, I never necessarily lacked in the “best friend” department: there was the one from kindergarten, the one from third grade, the ones from 10th and 11th grade too. But friendships, like the sea, are constantly in motion, ebbing back and forth in different degrees and directions at any given moment. What I failed to realize until I was old enough to truly appreciate the roles people play in our lives, was that I have been gifted my own built-in best friend since day one.
My brother, Cash, and I have always been close. With him being older than me by only 22 months, I grew up learning and doing practically all of the same things at the same time. We were educated on how to read, swim, bunny-ear our shoelaces and color in between the lines simultaneously. We would yell from crib to crib — from room to room — because all we wanted to do was be near to each other.
As we grew up and started to develop a sense of our own places in the world, he gravitated toward sports and video games, while I was comfortable focusing on creativity and the arts. His room was always messy; mine was always neat. He liked playing basketball; I liked reading books. But despite how different we were seen from the outside, together we were a force of nature.
Despite some people having voiced their opinions that our dynamic is strange, considering how close we are, the experiences I have had and the life I have shared with my brother are far more valuable than any comments people may make. For as long as I can remember, Cash has always been able to make me spit out my water in laughter. His silver tongue lashed as strongly as his criticisms. And no matter how many times he angered me to the point of no return, I always knew I could never stay mad at him for long. Cash is my best friend, and always has been.
In the time just before his departure to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, when the pressures of academics and family grew to fruition, we would go on long car rides. Sometimes we would put the stereo on blast, and sometimes we wouldn’t need anything at all but to find solace in each other’s company.
Out of all of the people in the world, Cash is the only person who has truly seen and accepted every aspect of who I am. He has been there for all of my memories, big and small alike: he went to all of my recitals, gone with me to every single concert, bundled up and binged “The Office” with me every time (five total) and spent quality time with me at impromptu late night Yogurtland runs. He heard my laughing snort, matched my energy with each and every intrusive thought and saw me with tears running down my cheeks from laughter and heartbreak alike.
Despite being incredibly proud of all of his accomplishments, and the man that he is becoming, my brother is gone now, and my best friend left with him. Some days I miss him more than others — occasionally a glance into his old room or hearing one of our favorite songs on the radio is all it takes. Other days, I will see that he called me during class, and I’ll get immediately excited knowing I’ll be able to FaceTime him later. But no matter the case, I know for certain that Cash will always be there for me, and being his sister was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Even though our spots in each other’s lives were left completely up to chance, I strive to maintain the siblinghood and deep friendship we share until we live together again under the same roof of a nursing home, pranking each other and snickering over inside jokes.
As of now, I am applying to Cal Poly too, a decision that I made in an effort to be closer to my brother in college if I choose. Other friends may come and go, but my relationship with my brother will forever be the thing of which I am most proud.
